Vulnerably Exposed

We expose, then hide, then buffer.Get exposed, then hide, then bufferRinse, repeatRinse, repeatBuffer. Hide. Exposed. Repeat.That strange beast we call vulnerability.It is a muscle of acceptance, surrender and resilience at the same time.It’s a paradox of control and out of control.It is shame while being shameless.It’s being exposed while standing fully in your power.It’s the […]

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Two Loves

I find myself waking up between two loves almost every day of my life now!Have you ever experienced a similar situation?Waking up between two kids?Two fur babies?Two lovers [I don’t judge 😉]?I wake up between my man and eight pounds of tuxedo fury. Moving feels like Causing a disruption to the natural balance of the universe,and with […]

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Guided!

I like to say that I have a love / hate relationship with my guides but that’s not true.It is all love.The best way to describe it is love /stubbornness relationship…Love / butt-hurt relationship.Love / I get it relationship.Love / I was so stupid relationshipLove / I am so sorry relationshipLove / I am so […]

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Apple and Cinnamon season…

Let’s get this straight- even if you don’t believe in magical or spiritual properties of herbs – you can’t deny their medicinal qualities. One of the first books on herbs I’ve had was about the use of herbs medicinally. This is how I know that comfrey is healing to physical wounds and can cause liver […]

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This funny thing called intuition…

After a while you get good at that thing called – intuition. What others refer to as luck or gut feeling – you know it as your internal analysis system that has received the clues your conscious brain has not caught on to yet. We are animals on such a deep innate level. A human […]

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Get Up!

Get up. Get off the bed. I know you’re tired. I know you’re in pain. I know it hurts you now… It’s all temporary, remember? Go take a shower, or a bath Go immerse yourself in the closest thing you have to nature that is just a few steps away. Just go. Get up. You […]

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The intensive loneliness course.

Upon stepping onto my journey of self-discovery and perfection, I found myself on the outs with majority of people close to me. They could not understand the urgency of my obsession, why did I need somebody to share my life with? They thought that I was searching for my other half, for something that was missing to be whole again, and it sure started out that way – until I faced the truth that I need to be whole in order to be whole with someone else.

Upon the journey of becoming a whole and an individual I have faced an overwhelming amount of negative emotions. The most cruel and debilitating of them all was loneliness.
To paint the picture of the intensity that loneliness manifests as I described it as “…the heart still loves. It’s open and it’s bleeding out. It’s leaking pain and hemorrhaging love; love and pain so closely intertwined”

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My Obsession with The One: Growth

Let me be the one to tell you about beauty and ruggedness of growth.
Growth is a beautiful thing! It’s amazing, it’s transforming. It’s authentic and it’s raw! It’s a wall of safeguard and at the same time it’s pure vulnerability. It can hurt like hell and it can hurt beautifully. It can heal through it’s divinity and it can comfort with realization that no mater where and who you are – you’re safe and perfect as you are!

Boundaries
When I set out on my journey I knew who I wanted to become. I saw the healthy and happy woman with her amazing soulmate. I had a rough idea where I was. I saw the gap between the two personas and I got to work in filling the gap. Very soon through books and guidance I quickly came to a conclusion that where I thought  I was and where I really was had another enormous gap between it. That’s when things have tumbled down.

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My obsession with the one: Real Men

Labels and Masks
Hipster, metrosexual, lumbersexual, pansexual, sapiosexual, asexual… we can all pretty much imagine how each of these partners would look, sound and feel. Personality, sexuality and aesthetics are so diverse in our surroundings. Which one is in? Which is more popular? Which one will get you laid? Which one gets you a long-term partnership?
I see all of the above as labels. When you put on a label, you pigeonhole yourself within that label, to conform, relate or identify. Labels are masks. 

We create labels to stereotype and expedite the process of selection. It’s time efficient to write off a hipster, assigning him a whole bunch of traits he may not even have and move on, possibly missing out on a greatest connection of your life.
These labels and masks create a specific level of demand, and men conform driven by their most basic need, as a hunter, to reproduce. Ooh – prey. Get woman now. Camouflage – get woman!
Women have their masks too. Most of them choose their own way of becoming prey, and some of them take on a role of a hunter. In our society we have blurred the line of masculine and feminine, which tampers with polarity in couples, as there is confusion regarding which role to play.

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My obsession with the one: Online Dating

Online dating has grown into 2 Billion dollar industry and has been increasing its market share by 5% each year. It is very fascinating to me considering how many people I know for whom online dating simply did not work.
Back in my dating years I’ve tried many dating sites: e-harmony, Okc, match… I’ve tried outlets of spiritual dating sites and cultural as well…
How do you think I’ve met my soulmate? Speed Dating! As in 5 minutes, in person. In reality – that’s all you really need.

Needs/Wants
One of the biggest problems I see with online dating is filters. We are expected to state our preferences in choosing a partner. Thus, we end up stating who we want, yet most of us have no clue who we actually need!
This was one of the biggest problems for me. One time I got exactly what I thought I needed and that relationship fizzled rather quickly. When we choose traits, physical features and other criteria we miss out on a whole myriad of other values because you cannot quantify good heart and soul (as cheesy as it sounds).

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