To my sheer disappointment,
It took me two days and two nights
To figure you out –
Of needless and wantless abyss.
Those amazing long lashes
That give extra mysteriousness to your deep stare.
The few times I have seen them,
You manage to look away.
The scar above your eyebrow
The question begging answer
My curiosity so yearns to satisfy—
The how and the why. ~hmm
For any mark upon the body of a man,
Regardless of the plot behind it,
Is a wound of the warrior.
The set of freckles upon your left temple;
I yearn to one day be close enough to you
To run my fingers ‘round them one by one.
One day I wish to kiss you on the lips,
In hopes that you will kiss me back.
A far-fetched dream it seems.
You are co closed off from me.
Yet this infatuation grows each day,
I fear that it is here to stay.
It taps into my last reserves
Of patience that I truly lack.
It is hard to be next to you, for all I want to do
Is wrap my arms around you and listen to you heart.
Its beat as stoic and as stable as your invulnerability.
One day I hope that these walls
Will come down and I will see
The you I know is there–
The gentle soft and caring.
Yet now your boundaries are so thick
I am afraid that I can’t carry
That load of road-blocks upon my path to you.
I know you better than you think.
The apathy you carry
Resonates within me
With the pain of my past.
The one I’ve managed
To obliterate from my existence.
And thus I know the path of least resistance
To alleviate you too.
I see your body starved for attention
And the tender touch it needs.
I see your soul right though,
If only you could see me too
In your full consciousness.
With all your boundaries
I’ve used me as a pawn.
I opened up in hopes
To not be laughed upon.
I really showed you my vulnerability.
A part of me only select few get to see.
And all of them would say it is an honor.
You’ve seen my authenticity within.
The opportunity is here for you to act upon it.
Yet somehow I don’t think you will proceed.
© Tatyana Bondarenko
This poem was written on August 12th 2012. The epithet was written on August 25th 2012. The poem is called yang to my yin because it is written about a man who is my astrological match on my Sun – Venus Conjunction and vice versa. I am blessed/cursed with seeing good in people, my pitfall is in my continuation of nurturing of them without reciprocation of connection. What can I say – I am a giver.