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With all the boundaries you’ve trespassed…

I am really glad that you’re concerned with all your boundaries you let down each time you see me. You’re human and you’re mortal – it’s only fair. Yet the fact, that it is only you who feels this way – eludes you. You know I really can not make you feel anything you wouldn’t want to. My presence in your thoughts and in your mind is merely a trigger – a catalyst.

It is a trigger that I must admit, I am not ashamed to press. Thus I admit, it is in part still my dysfunction. My sinister shamelessness and imposition of my logic is still the underlying guilty pleasure of acknowledging your inferiority to me. In truth your open sore of vulnerability, that I sadistically press upon, in fact makes me inferior, for I do know and see this reality. The seduction of going against what I know is functional, and what I feel is right, is far too powerful for me to resist. Each time I chose to give in fully and consciously.

The reality of watching you suffer like I did before is like a warm wax poured upon my no longer open wound. The wax doesn’t sting. The wound is healed – so the wax no longer stunts the healing. The warmth is comforting, yet once solidified the wax feels like a foreign object. Its comfort is no longer needed, yet soothing calmness of its warmth is well desired.

I see you drowning in the pain of past and trying to see through the veil of lies that you know are so. You have proved me correct by staying by decisions of your ego, refusing to retreat, while being burned every step of the way.

I am sure you think you are happy. You’ve got everything you’ve always wanted; though in your heart I do not see it so. You have lost your glow of lightness.

Your physical obstruction from me is a useful tool; however you should come to terms with basis. For even though I am physical – I never fight my battles on this realm. I have caught you on the hook around me so many times. I choose to let you go. And yet you keep on coming back for more. Please do address me on your multidimensionality!

What you manifest as me is only your fear. I know I was right. I know I was raw. I know – I am your easy target. It is easy to blame me for your unhappiness regardless of your personal choices.

It is your choice to blame me. It is your choice to wallow in this pain. It is your choice to long for pity. It is your choice to remain disconnected. As well as it is your choice to continue your existence so.

So please choose wisely. Wake the fuck up and discern. I am not the enemy. I am merely a reminder of your poor choices and lapses of judgment. Running away from me physically will not make me go away.

©Tatyana Bondarenko

This piece was written quite recently and it has been written in a very generic way, therefore I believe that it is very very  very relatable.

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